Things I'm Sad About 2019:
I always have these great photoshoot ideas, plans for themed shoots, drive to do specific things in certain time periods. Then I get sick, haven't slept much, don't have the space or knowledge to set up what I want to.. and it makes me dejected cause I'm not doing as much as all the people that inspire me, I feel like if im not doing the stuff that could get me followers in the right time frame then I've missed my chance completely and I'm a failure... which I know is wrong... But its still there. I'm also sad im not able to travel to all the cons and see out of country friends. Most importantly I'm not able to do the art I want to in the time period I want to. It makes me sad. I look at other people's stuff that inspire me and then my own and feel shitty about it cause I feel I'm not talented enough, but like I could be with practise and learning, or money to get the cool things. (but less so that cause there are cheaper ways.)
Things I'm Happy About In 2019:
Im in an amazing relationship, and he's super supportive and really good for me, he is the best. There is sooo much potential in the house for lots of things in the future that I'm REALLY excited about, but they take a long time. Like the plan is to make everything look really nice so that it can be slightly a cosplay BNB type thing. Come visit Canada, have a sewing room, workshop, etc to work on the cosplays. Then there's gonna be a beautiful garden, hot tub, photo studio with all kinds of backdrops and props! Then the inside of the house will have all kinds of neat things for non cosplay/I guess cosplay shoots! Like a giant shower/bathtub/fireplace/hiding spaces for bodies(kidding). It'll be really cool! I just wish I could wave a wand and it happen. I'm getting WAY better at cosplay. Haha I turned an old sad cosplay into something I'm actually really proud of so that's really neat. It's my Christmas Evelynn.. which hopefully I'll feel better enough to shoot before xmas... Otherwise it'll be next year(or I shoot and post in July cause I FREAKING CAN LOL) Also! we are looking into possibly having photosets up at cons for people to shoot at next year! So that'll be pretty cool if it works out!!
Anyways that's my rant. I'm looking forward to all the fun things in 2020! Hopefully I can get my butt in gear and do some really amazing things! Feel free to let me know things you'd like to see in 2020!!!
I hope you've all had a wonderful year so far! Lots of new things on the horizon. I hope haha.
But lets get into whats been going on for me since... well December?
I started getting sick in December(if not earlier) which made it physically hard for me to mentally and physically get up, get dressed in cosplay, take photos.. etc. I tried(obvs) but it was a bit much. Then i was just emotionally drained. Kept trying to make plans to do things, then broke down.
Flash forward to January when had surgery and got an IUD to hopefully help with why i was getting sick. (monthlies made me very ill.. not what else you're thinking... i mean, yeah but regardless.. i'm going off tangent).... haha.. well... the surgery was fine but after that I was in a lot of pain.. so I couldn't really do much. Some days are fine, some not. Still worked on cosplay, but still couldn't get the energy to actually go shoot the cosplay. Which is sad. Went to the doctor and they found out i had a very angry cyst, but its normal for women under 40 to have those cysts? So i got referred to a gynocologyst, who I just saw a week ago who told me its the IUD thats causing pain, we have to take it out and do another surgery.... wheee.....
WHILE THIS IS ALL GOING ON!
- February, as I was con crunching for Katsucon I got bit by some sort of angry spider and was sick from it... which would have been whatever had I not had a mental breakdown on top of that.
- My face decides it needs to be on fire(figuratively) and turn me into rl Todoroki Shoto(my hero academia.. who I have started a genderbend cosplay for) so thats been fun. Everytime I look in the mirror im just so dismayed. I tried putting on makeup and looking cute at Yeticon this year... but i absolutely hated how I looked and my face hurt/ still semi hurts sooooo bad. Im currently on antibiotics for it and its starting to heal.. so im hopeful for the future.
(Major appreciation for my amazing bf whos stuck with me and all my craziness... and my scarred pizza face)
- Diagnosed with heavy anemia... like on prescription iron level... soo thats probably another reason I can barely bring myself to do photos. I'm trying, The vitamins are helping.
It'll probably be another month before I'm fully set to go and be back to normal and such, but im really hopeful!!
NOW THE GOOD BITS!
- I have been doing more photography of others lately so i'm trying to learn new things and techniques so that's neat. Ill be posting some more stuff like that soooon.
- WE'RE GETTING A HOUSE! NO MORE CRAPPY HAUNTED, CURSED, GARBAGE PAINTED, APARTMENT ANYMORE! A FULL ON HOUSE! Which the best part? There is a workshop AND a studio, a garden, okay... there's a lot and its super exciting cause it'll give me(us) more opportunities to create amazing things. Be it photography of others or myself once i can actually look in the mirror again haha..... ha... ha.. im not kidding.....
So all thats happening August 1st which is sweet cause my 30th birthday is August 23rd soo I feel like its a good step in the right direction of life. I'm really emotionally happy.. physically meh.. emotionally good.
Anyways! Feel free to ask questions! Thank you for all your support!
Mondays am I right? Haha. If I’m being honest I just like everyday... but I also like sleep... is that a thing? I went exploring this weekend with my Dad for Father’s Day. You never really know what’s out near you until you go outside of the normal space you venture and see all the sites and wonders! Take the long way and find something new! I’ve definitely found places I want to do shoots at, and I’ll probably do a shoot today somewhere! It’ll be a blast!
Well that’s it for now!
Pew Pew Pew!!!
So I want to take some time to talk about the fact I used to be afraid of EVERYTHING! Like.... old me would NEVER, EVER, be like "alright i'm jumping in a gross lake, thats possibly infested with leaches, or a dense forest with ticks... or bears... But the I dont even care me is like, YES, lets do this! Im not sure if its the CBD in my system or the fact I am kinda just over all the bad luck I've been having, but I'm really proud of how far I've been able to come from the gyrating anxiety mess(I'm still a mess dont get me wrong) I was, to the person I am now. I still have a long way to go though.
I was very fortunate to have been able to go and meet up with Mermaid Amatheia(https://www.instagram.com/mermaid_amatheia/?hl=en) and Mermaid Nymeria(https://www.instagram.com/naomi.l.tiessen/?hl=en) to shoot some lovely mermaidy goodness for them(as well as get a few of my own cosplay's shot). Drove nearly 3 hours up to Paul Lake, BC to spend the day at the lake just hanging out, shooting and having fun. The mermaids looked so awesome as always. SO MUCH FUN. New things I learned were neat tricks with flip flops and water bottles, I can stand on a floating log to get an upper shot, with some help balancing of course) AND I CAN BRAVE POSSIBLY LEACH INFESTED WATERS FOR COSPLAY.
Well thats all for now, till next time!
Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing in my life, other times I spend hours making a website that who knows if people will even see. The other day I found a bunch of old stories, poems and songs I wrote when I was younger. I MAAAY post them here, after I spend more than the allotted time cringing over how bad they are. Its a beautiful day outside, sun is shining, its entirely way too hot. I hope it rains soon.